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You know when your partner asks you, “What’s wrong?” and you say, “Nothing?” I know men reading this feel me! When someone knows you in and out, whether or not you’re sulking, even the slightest change in your mood and demeanor tells them you’re not yourself. Sometimes that change is brought about by thoughts you begin to tell yourself about not being good enough or not being…enough.

So have that conversation. Ask yourself, “What’s REALLY, wrong? Why don’t I feel like myself? What’s holding me back from being happy, from going for what I want?” It’s a tough one to have because sometimes you’ll find yourself going round and round in circles. I know I’ve been there; berating myself and being haunted by impostor syndrome (see my 2015 blog posts for that), until I wanted to run and hide from myself. Believe it or not I traced this back to the times I was told I wasn’t good enough, as far back as primary school! I had to undo these thoughts, slowly, carefully, unwrapping the better parts of me that I would later use to elevate myself.

Sometimes it is the fear of failure. Or even worse, the fear of success. People grapple with insecurities that are sometimes a figment of their imagination. People like you and me, with so much potential, who still shoot themselves in the foot based on these fears that they haven’t gotten to the bottom off.

In order to get out of your own way, you need to get down and dirty with your thinking. Ask yourself what’s wrong until you can feel the ‘click’ of honesty in your heart. Don’t lie to yourself.

“Sometimes, being true to yourself means changing your mind. Self changes, and you follow.”  (Vera Nazarian)



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48 Discussion to this post

  1. Pam says:

    Perfect. Speaks to ME. Great post.

  2. Lynn Faith says:

    Woow thanks Janet for the work you are doing…i can say am going through the same….having goals i want to achieve but am scared i will fail….am a newly wed and am worried if my marriage will make it too…but am thankful for your articles…you are a blessing to many…God bless you♥♥

  3. James Maina says:

    I get what you are saying. Many a times the answers are on the inside. And we have to look for them by asking ourselves some hard questions and answering the honestly, which means we might find that we are on the wrong and sometimes its just fear or doubt getting the better of us. I totally agree its fetching to ask “What’s wrong” because the answer might just be seeing so many things that are right. Thank you.

  4. Waruguru Winnie says:

    Wow,thanks for always sharing and the value addition into the most young women like me.God always bless Queen.

  5. joan mbuthia says:

    Hey Janet at first thanx for accepting my friend request..have been reading your articles and sure u really inspiring and amazing..for this one u have hit the nail at the head and my request is that you keep up with the good job you doing. Cheers.

  6. Jackie says:

    Dope. Nice piece of advice there Janet. May God keep you longer

  7. Scovie says:

    Me?am just confused

  8. Katemary says:

    Thankyou so much my role model.
    That’s exactly what am going through i have got fears, i just started doing business, got some few shops in Nairobi started in January, fear of failure is distrubing me. Thankyou janet for sharing this.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi dear! Well done on your new business venture! I can only imagine all the fears, but think about all the others who have succeeded in what you’re doing? Why not YOU? Wishing you the best 💞

  9. Sylvia says:

    Thank you Janet for this. I’m currently going through this phase of life where I’m not sure where I’m headed to; with the help of your post I know I’ll overcome😊

  10. Elidah mwangi says:

    Aawwwwh thanks much big sister…
    I’m informed.
    Salimia Huru 😘

  11. Jemutai cleotilda says:

    Hello janet. I have always read your articles and alway feel inspired and uplifted… Especially the one that deals with trying to identify what is going on in my life…. Trying to honest with myself….. Thanks for your encouraging words.

  12. Winnie says:

    Hey Janet. Your posts are really uplifting. I’ve been following up on each post you’ve posted. I’m a college student in my third year. At this stage of my life I have so many goals and distractions at the same time. I would request you to write on something you would tell your 20 year old self. I will really appreciate. Again, thank you for this priceless knowledge. Cheers

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Winnie! Wow thank you for following my work and for your amazing request. Let me work on it soon ok? Take it easy, I know Uni can be intense but try and wake up a little earlier each day to plan your day out and unless you have a lot of studying to do, try to enjoy coffee or a movie with friends. You’ll be good dear! Keep following to look out for that post 😘❤

  13. Olivia Ambani says:

    Exactly what I needed to read! Imposter syndrome is so real! Thank you for sharing and being such an encouragement!

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Oh thank you so much Olivia! I can see many of us are haunted by Imposter Syndrome! I’ve definitely gotten better but sometimes it just creeps up on you! Thanks for reading and commenting, much appreciated and great to hear from you! ❤❤

  14. Mercy gitau says:

    janet u’ve really hit the nail on the head.Most of us lie to ourselves not knowing that being true to oneself raises ones self esteem.Am doing journalism and u r ma female role model big tym.Thank u xo much and keep up with the gud job.

  15. Vero says:

    “Ask yourself what’s wrong with me until you feel the ‘click’ of honesty in your heart….” that is not just a statement to me but an assignment. Thank you J for sharing your life journey with thousands. Sometimes, all a soul needs is the comfort of knowing, if others have been thro it n conquered why not me? And booom, they become victors….keep it up…love you big 💞

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you too Vero! I love that you call it an assignment, so very true! And we ought to take our time with it. Much love to you ma ❤

  16. Sally says:

    I do not know what inspired you to write this particular set of posts this week but I am so glad you did. You better pass around the collection plate because you have been PREACHING to me this week! I am a psychology nerd of sorts. I like all the personality tests and have taken most that are available . I an fascinated by human behavior and like to know what makes people tick, including me. The problem is that I can tell you all my traits and I understand them intellectually but I still sometimes get in my damn way! Part of it as you said is fighting the words in my head which for me has been a huge stumbling block. Then its also a bit of the impostor syndrome. I sometimes doubt myself because of words, negative words spoken to me by a parent, that when I succeed, I kind of doubt that I’m as good as people claim even when there is a rubric that I can measure myself by. Like you, I know that I have a lot of untapped potential even though I am doing well by societal standards. I sometimes feel guilty for wrestling through the negative thoughts when I think that there are women out there that are praying and fasting for some of the opportunities I currently have. My goal this year is to get out of my own way and your posts this week have been timely and hit home for me. While I don’t know you personally and live 10K miles away, its helpful to know that others go through these same issues. I am a recipient of your bravery and honest this week and so thanks again.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Sally your comment has left me gobsmacked! For its honesty. Thank you for resonating with my journey in such a profoundly, familiar way. Yes, we need to talk up ourselves more, as women, especially. But what makes me happy now is that I’m AWARE of these setbacks, so I can begin the process of ‘fixing’ and healing. Bless you and thank you ever so much ❤❤❤

  17. Faith machira says:

    My all time role model.. I love everything you does 100%

  18. Faith machira says:

    My all time role model 100%

  19. Sheah says:

    Awesome article though to be honest it’s hard to overcome some fears and defeat that kainner negative voice. Big up..😊

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Oh yes it’s quite hard to do that! That’s why I think it’s a process not an event 😊 We keep working on it everyday. Thanks dear 💕

  20. Jacinta Wambui says:

    Thank you Janet. This is actually one of my favorite posts so far… I can relate 101% and am glad for the uplift n guidance. Thanks again Janet and may God bless you abundantly.

  21. Vero says:

    “Ask yourself what’s wrong until you can feel the ‘click’ of honesty in your heart..” A great assignment there. I always love how you share your thoughts and daily struggles J, so encouraging. Keep up 💞

  22. Violet says:

    “Inorder to get out of your way,you need to get down and dirty with your thinking.”what a post Janet..thanks.

  23. Denise says:

    Great piece Janet be blessed

  24. Faith mwende says:

    That’s true again janet😍😍😍

  25. Mueni says:

    Thanks Janet for this …Actually this post it’s like your taking about me many are the times I don’t even understand myself but with this am gone get through it .Much appreciated thanks for being a good role model and a mentor to young ladies .Mob Love Janet keep talking to us you don’t know how you make a big difference in our lives .Thanks again

  26. liz kanyi says:

    Always waiting for the link on the bio.the funny part abt this topic is that u cannot get away from ourselves its me all the way…so improving me should be my every day goal slowly and carefully as u put it❤thanks a billion for your posts

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thanks so much Liz! For seeing where I’m coming from. Thanks a billion to as well for following my posts. Bless 🙏🏾❤❤

  27. Linda says:

    It’s reassuring to know I am not the only one who at times feels this way and asks similar questions. Thank you Janet for sharing this. It was timely.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Linda! I’m a firm believer in being a work in progress and not letting anyone rush your process. Be at peace with you first. Thanks for your comment ❤❤

  28. Rees says:

    Your posts have a way of making one think. Your posts are my life! Keep doing this and we are all gonna be better people.
    Good day!

  29. maureen says:

    “sometimes, being true to yourself means changing your mind” deep. 😍😍😍😍

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