Imperfect Me

Janet'sThoughtsPhoto1

Photography By: Michelle Morgan – http://www.michellemorgan.co.ke/
Location: Kitengela Glass, Kenya – http://www.kitengela.com/
Makeup By: Kayte Macharia  – karekayte1@yahoo.com
Clothes Provided By: Kache By Angie, Junction Mall, Nairobi. 

I am up at 3.21 am, staring into darkness, a beautiful soul, my husband, lying next to me. I reach for him with one arm and, as if automatically, still in his sleep-induced state, he reaches back, and my heart warms. These are the moments that keep me sane. 

My unborn child kicks inside me, gently, sporadically, and I smile because this is my favourite part of my pregnancy journey knowing that my child is growing. I use my free hand to reach down and rub my stomach gently, taking a minute to savour the beauty all around the bedroom in the still of the night.

At the back of my mind, despite all these blessings, a loving husband, a child soon to be born to us, I am worried, anxious, almost jaded. I stroke my husband's face, thankful that he is trying all he can to support us. 

But now I am feeling a sense of guilt; I am not as active and on my feet as I once was (granted, the pregnancy has a lot to do with it, and I have been unwell many times during this period) but I have also lost morale for the path my life is taking. 

I feel like I should be doing more yet my body and mind are at a standstill. I am frozen in my path, standing in my own way, unable to move forward, having lost sense of who I am and where I am going.

I started the year by hitting the gym, changing my diet, in talks to endorse a sports brand…then suddenly I was expecting a child and moving my wedding day closer. It was all so exciting but I had to postpone a lot of the projects I was working on. When the fuss of the wedding was over and my pregnancy sickness had subsided, I found myself a bit frazzled. What now? Yes, I am expecting a child, but…I am just going to wait it out? 

I was used to being on my feet for hours in a day, now I was on bed rest most of the day. The transition confused me, and now had me thinking about…my life! Taking stock, reflecting…and I was not sure I liked what I found.

I have hidden behind my job and its supposed success for so many years that I have lost touch with what I really want to be doing and all I can achieve. I have worn an ‘I’m okay, doing just great’ mask for so many years that I have gotten lost in that façade. I have hidden my high highs and low lows from everyone, adopting a safe response to any news. 

Now those walls are tumbling down. The real me, whoever she is, is beginning to surface and break through those walls and its frightening, even though I know it is the fright before becoming liberated.

I cannot stand banal political diatribe, cliché materialistic chatter, and dishonest religious talk. It has been too many years of being okay with it, participating in it. I have now chosen to keep my opinion muted, feeling, instead, constant irritation and lack of interest in almost everything. 

My passion to empower vulnerable communities is being distracted by the long road to resource mobilization so that I often feel helpless. The drive I once felt for work is all but gone, so that getting ready for work, wearing my ‘superwoman cape’ to wear in front of the world, has lost its meaning to me. I want to break free. I need to break free, but I do not know where to start.Actually I have a few ideas of where I should start but those avenues are also unpredictable, leaving me back at square one.

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My husband turns to his side and my arm slides from his shoulder down to his waist. He is clutching my arm. I move into him, my baby bump gently touching his back. I suddenly have the urge to wake him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him but I return, instead, to my boundless thoughts. He should not be the only one worrying about how to secure our future, that’s not the kind of woman I am. 

My fear is that my stonewalling will lead me down a dark road and make it difficult for us to be a healthy, happy family. A family’s state of wellbeing starts with the woman, her state of mind and her ability to make a house a home. 

I had just gotten married and I was already feeling the pressure to become a Martha Steward-esque cook, Coretta Scott-King support system and Stepford wife homemaker all at once. No matter how many times people have told me that these transitions take time, I still feel the need to. No one, least of all my husband, expects it of me, but I am so good at being hard on myself that I am nagging myself into it.

The combination of this imaginary pressure, my need to change course in my career and the two major transitions in my life that happened in one year (marriage, pregnancy) have left me feeling overwhelmed, but here I am still trying to save face, afraid to admit that I can also lose sight of my vision.

I think a lot of us go through this, particularly a go-getter woman who suddenly finds herself immersed in numerous new roles. I also think that the only way to navigate this transition is to be present, no matter how difficult that may be, and weather the storm, all the while believing that the end result will be a stronger, more aware you.

It’s now 5 am and my husband’s alarm goes off. He groggily turns it off and then turns to me, startled that I’m awake. ‘Babe, why aren’t you asleep?’ he whispers coarsely. ‘You know, just thinking, hun’, I reply, hoping he won’t pick up on my ‘Stop thinking, love. Sleep. My husband says, "whatever it is you’re worried about, it’ll be okay. You know that right?’ I do. But it doesn’t stop that nagging feeling; that I am headed somewhere, for something, but I just do not know what, or where.

I need to be easy on myself though and just trust my journey. I am working on it…let’s see where this goes…

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260 Discussion to this post

  1. Esther says:

    Janet,my goodness! I was led to your blog from Instagram and I can’t believe I’ve missed all these posts. so am here trying to catch up from all the way in 2015, and my oh my,this post just caught me. being 23, trying to make everything make sense and feeling as though am not doing enough,is I must say the biggest battle I’ve faced. so I get you on this post and glad I read it. inspiring and oh so real. lots of love!

  2. Maureen says:

    Janet mbugua ndichu….my all time favourite… Your life..your story is my inspiration… I mean..i cry just to see how much uv become and done for people..including inua dada foundation.. I wish i could say..”i want to be like you”..but you have taught me something different.. Building your own brand…i love you for that..am only 21..i wish i could alrdy be where u are
    .but comeon.. again uv taught me better.. Patience.
    So marriage will wait..lol.and babies..but sweetheart continue inspiring the young growing ladies and men.out there…

  3. ESTHER KASAMBA says:

    mmmmmmh i wonder why i cry when i read this,i am still 22 but so scared of my future…this is soo encouraging janet…you are always my mentor…i wish for a smooth life but i know there will be ups and down ,i hope that GOD will prepare me for everything…still praying to get a job first..

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you for your comments Esther, it shall be well! Keep focussed, keep pushing, keep trying. You’ll have a breakthrough!

  4. Wanjiru says:

    ❤❤❤

  5. Wanjiru says:

    I love how raw this post is. No holding back because of the celebrity status. I ❤❤❤ you!

  6. Anonymous says:

    thank you Janet for the post its have really moved me..atleast i have learned am not the only woman going through this tough times as a newly wed.at times i feel lyk giving up and follow my dreams . thanks you have inspired me alot

  7. Anonymous says:

    I read this post and I felt like you had put my thoughts into writing. I believe things will get better as you add another feather into your cap… Motherhood. Be blessed Janet as you have blessed the lives of many more.

  8. Business says:

    Thanks for being so helpful as a blogger and leader in the field.

  9. saadia says:

    Wow!i i admire your hardwork and ambitions janet and this made me addicted to this blog.you are a blessing may God blesss you.

  10. Zindzi Kibiku says:

    As a lady who's just out University and trying to figure life out by a certain age, I can relate to Janet. The pressure of having it all figured out. And just when you think things have fallen into place and you've gotten the hang of it, something pushes you off track. This journey called life, that we go through, expects us to wear the ''I've got this. Am doing great. My life is in order. I have it all planned out'' mask and it gets a bit tiring. When in relaity, no one has it all figured out. Not even Beyonce. 

  11. Fiona Wanjku says:

    Woow! Janet. This piece has really communicated to me. A bit of things we share. I was also in Loreto Mombasa in the 80s. I am feeling like you of late coz my kids have gone to university recently  and I had been in their lives for so long that now i feel I have to begin mine. I am also feeling like I am back to square, I have few ideas on what I want, at the same time praying to God to be my guide and to give me wisdom to move on with life. Your blog is inspiring, keep up the good job of Inua Dada Initiative. All the best as you begin the journey of motherhood and marriage. Its exicitng with lots of sacrifices. Cheers!

     

  12. Fiona Wanjku says:

    Woow! Janet. This piece has really communicated to me. A bit of things we share. I was also in Loreto Mombasa in the 80s. I am feeling like you of late coz my kids have gone to university recently  and I had been in their lives for so long that now i feel I have to begin mine. I am also feeling like I am back to square, I have few ideas on what I want, at the same time praying to God to be my guide and to give me wisdom to move on with life. Your blog is inspiring, keep up the good job of Inua Dada Initiative. All the best as you begin the journey of motherhood and marriage. Its exicitng with lots of sacrifices. Cheers!

  13. saadia says:

    your blog is quite incredible Janet.you will always be my inspiration.God bless

  14. Tanui Faith says:

    So so sweet!! I loved it Janet.This ?????”A family’s state of wellbeing starts with the woman, her state of mind and her ability to make a house a home.” on point taking notes.
    Your articles are educative and inspiring ??

  15. Wanjiku Njenga says:

    Exactly how i felt when i was pregnant.It actually gets worse after baby.But it gets better with time.

  16. Shelmith says:

    You’re a true defination of a Woman without limits. Thanks alot, you inspire me.. your hardwork, boldness, integrity and dignity. Would love to meet you sometime.. love **
    #the imposter syndrome… i can relate.. How do you even work it out?

  17. Christine says:

    Wow!! Really loved your article, it's like you've just spoken to my heart.. I can relate in some ways to you though not all. Am also a newly wed and the adjusting and the transition had also weighed me down a bit…. but now i see am not the only one and it's something normal. One day at a time, all in God's ways and being prayerful is what is helping me through.. Thank you Janet.. You and your new family are trully blessed.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I appreciate your feedback Christine. Yes the transition is normal and happens to so many of us! But we can learn to embrace the changes, and even share our concerns with people that we trust. Congrats on being on a newlywed! Wishing you a great journey ahead! ?

  18. Anastasia says:

    Janet,

    this is very inspiring. you are a role model to many, a person i would like to emulate. i admire your hard work and ambition. i hope someday i get to achieve mine too though i sometimes feel i cannot make it. you have given me a new line of thought.thanky you. God bless you in your endevours.

     

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Anastasia, we can all make it! I’m still trying to achieve many other goals, but it’s a joirney that takes residence and patience. I wish you the very best! God bless 

  19. Ciiru Muriuki says:

    i can totally relate. though at a different stage in life;(single) i have that tendancy to be so hard on myself that its crazy. i do not know how to go slow,am a perfectionist yet deep down i know its not realistic to be all rounded. But prayer keeps me sane. nice to know other people go through the same.

  20. S.K says:

    Yaani! Its such a breathe of fresh air to read this. Women like me (and others) look up to you and kinda envy your successful career and wish we ourselves could reach such heights. Thats when the pressure kicks in and we cannot be content until we reach such heights or higher. Its calming to see that even you go through the motions of fighting with yourself about doing more, going further, achieving more, being more…more more more. I like what you said. Live in the moment..good or bad. You'll come out of it stronger.

    God bless you gorgeous woman!

     

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi dear, thank you for your comment! Yes we all go through these transitions. I'm happy to see many women resonate with his article! Thanks for reading my posts! 

  21. Belinda Muriithi says:

    perfect inspiration.Every young girl should read this!!keep going Janet….you are awesome

  22. Warsh says:

    Wow!! I'm incredibly touched and inspired by your transparency. I too was not so long ago going through the same and temporarily succumb to it. Took me well over a year to recover. Though it was an experience that I positively learnt a lot from and made me a better person as far as all my relationships were concern (mother, friend, partner, daughter etc), I really did not have to go through the thick and depth of it as I did had I capitalised on the wealth of support I have around me. I'm a tough, go-getter, wildly independent but very stubborn (which most of us fail to see as a vice and not virtuos trait) and that was most definitely my weakness. Stay strong mama, keep inspiring and be sure to seek out. Though we strive it daily, we indeed aren't and can't be perfect (not 100% of the time anyway :D). Congratulations on your new family and God bless.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I love your words Warsh! Looks like we have a lot of character traits in common; independent, often stubborn…I think these transitions are meant to teach us how to adapt to the changes in our lives. I may be a little confused about one or two things right now but I know I'll be good. Thanks for your inspiration ?

  23. "I think a lot of us go through this, particularly a go-getter woman who suddenly finds herself immersed in numerous new roles. I also think that the only way to navigate this transition is to be present, no matter how difficult that may be, and weather the storm, all the while believing that the end result will be a stronger, more aware you."

    — This totally spoke to me and about me —

    Wow…it's so humbling and touching to read this side of you.  Having worked in the media and choosing to step out, I know how it feels to try get your footing therafter.  What now?  What next?  Was that the right choice?  Am I wasting myself?  It took God, my husband, family and a few close friends to encourage me.  But when I look back, and even though I still have those moments, it really did just take me making up my mind and being confident that God would work it all out, I just needed to let Him and trust Him.

    It's been quite a journey and it still is.  2 years into our marriage, I lost my dad who was murdered, a few months later, I learnt I was pregnant and at 27weeks, our little girl came early.  That journey tore me into pieces.  2 months later, she breathed her last in my arms and I was convinced I would die.  I had lost my daddy and baby girl 10months apart.  Everything thereafter was… pretence… survival… I was so used to people seeing me strong, put together, all figured out… and so, I put on a face while slowly withdrawing from society.  That story… will one day be told…

    It's been 3 years since and I God has allowed me to have 2 other babies and push on… It's a journey I tell you, one that has opened my eyes to let go, let God, take off the mask (still a work in progress) and live.  I am definitely a stronger, more aware me.

    So, thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable. God's at work… can't wait to see how he continues to unveil your journey :-)

     

     

     

     

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Wow Jean, your story has moved me deeply. Very deeply. You're a strong woman and its people like you who make me feel like I can find the strength to overcome life's obstacles. I pray that you have now found your peace. If my being vulnerable has encouraged you, then I feel like my article is all the more worth it. Please share your story one day, and when you do, let me know. God bless you 

  24. Beaty says:

    Reading this has really encouraged me…….in the midst o a marriage and pregnancy at the same  time.A career that is so demanding and at times i feel like am losing focus of my vision…..i feel overwhelmed  but i believe that i will make it through…….thanks for the encouragement Janet.

     

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you for your comments Beaty. It's a lot to juggle at the same time but I honestly believe we can find our way, with focus, prayer and a great support system. God bless 

  25. Gladys says:

    So inspiring….Thank you Janet for making us believe you are human.

  26. Lynette Ng'endo Kimani says:

    Janet, I just couldn't stop nodding at every sentence literally, this message has gone beyond to encourage so many peple in various career paths, and as you say it, journeys of their life. It basically applies to so many people, men and women alilke, and it is such an honor to see women like you taking the lead and mentoring a lot of young individulas. Congratulations for being recognized in the top women under 40 category, you're indeed blessed, keep the quotes coming, I loved the youtube video, well said, well put, I hope that you may achieve all your life's targets and goals with God by your side, I leave you with "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams", I am inspired, I am engaged, THANKYOU! Best of luck in your marriage, and the baby to come.

    Lynette.
     

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you so much Lynette. God has been good to me and even though I may not always know His plans for me, and sometimes I may not understand them, I now know that I need to lean on Him and keep a good attitude in life. I wish you the best in your journey too!

  27. shine kwamboka says:

    quite an encouraging post right there..i am delighted to have my role model have a platform where she shares her innermost fears and troubles while at the same time encouraging me its gonna be just fine and all i got to do is stay focused and hang in there..lots of love Mrs.Ndichu

  28. Hope Wambui says:

    Calling you a role model is an under statement…you are a piece of art😍
    A master piece with your imperfections😄
    Congratulations

  29. Hope Wambui says:

    Calling you a role model is an under statement…you a piece of art😍
    A master piece with you imperfections😄
    Congratulations

  30. maureen says:

    I’ve always admired you janet and yes we are sailing in the same boat. been through alot in my twenty something years…with my second kid on the way i feel like ive lost touch with myself…the woman i once dreamt of being. Having a supportive man in my life is not helping me too and i’m constantly lost in thoughts of wat i need to do to make my dreams a realiry. I knw i need to do something,i knw where i want to be but the path to take,the journey there is not as clear. Reading your post today gave me hope that all is not lost…thanks janet.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I'm so happy to hear that, Maureen! You'll find your way and you'll find your voice again. In fact, maybe the path you were walking wasn't the right one; you now have a chance to start on a new one. I wish you all the very best! 

  31. Christine Mbaka says:

    I soo feel you Janet. Have been there and i know how it feels. It wasn’t easy for me either but i managed,i had just been employed to my new job place and it was demanding. Trust in God and keep fit always. we four months nows going back to work nxt months. I feel more energetic and determined. All the best in ypur journey swirl.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      So happy to hear that Christine! In glad you’re more energetic. Keep going and thank you for inspiring me to believe that I’ll be ok! ?

  32. vanice machogu says:

    thank you janet you are such an inspiration to many young girls out there thank you i feel encouraged.

  33. vanice machogu says:

    thank you janet you are such an inspiration to many young girls out there thank you i feel encouraged by reading your blog.

  34. Ever since I started listening to you on Capital Fm, I've grown to have this unshakable admiration of your journey thus far..and I love how candid you are about your inner most thoughts and fears through this piece. May the journey ahead be full of God's blessings to you, the huzband and the coming soon baby! Cheers! 

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Wow, thank you James! It’s been quite a journey since Capital FM! I appreciate you walking it with me and hope that you’ll continue to. Be blessed! 

  35. Marrie says:

    For a moment it felt like a novel that i can’t let go of.. Janet your my favourite presenter and can’t wait to read more because this blog is going to inspire many. God bless.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words Marrie. I’m glad the blog posts have touched you and I look forward to you reading more of them! Asante 

  36. Maureen says:

    Wow such a piece,Always a rolemodel????

  37. mum Makena n ryan says:

    Very inspirational..A mother of 2 and believe me motherhood is a blessing…i wish u well dear soldier on harder

  38. Charity says:

    wow!!Wow!!I love your blog posts..you are really inspiring.
    Funny thing is I have those moments to when I just sit and think and not know where the journey leads..Currently in such a situation.. Just done with school (post graduate) trying to get a job..I know what I want to do but where to start the road map is not so clear and it scares me being a person who has to know eeeh what next you know..so I relate.

    Reading this has given me some hope..that all is not lost.that I need to be present. Thanks Janet..
    It’s also great knowing the real you..:-)
    Keep at it..
    All the best in your journey.. Your new transitions God is Always in Control…
    You will do just great!!!
    Lots of love.
    charity

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Charity! It’s words like yours that make me realize we are so many walking the same path! The clarity will come to you. Just trust in God, pray, seek Mentorship as well! I wish you all the best my dear!

  39. Deja Ciku says:

    I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason #stolen. My friend likes to say' You worry you die you don't worry you die'. I am a worrier myself I literally lose weight stressing over stuff and more so about what the future holds for me: career, family e.t.c and I tend to have a negative bias and I convince myself that that's human nature.But it's not, If there is one thing I have had to learn to do is to train my thoughts to think positive things and outcomes. Lots of uncertainities no matter how perfect someone's life may be. However, I encourage thoughts of blessings, gratitude and thanksgiving. Ever read 'The Secret' the universe listens to you Ask.Believe Receive. He hears our requests and knows our hearts #stolen

    Bes of Luck to you and all your endeavours.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      There are times when we all think the worst case scenario about our lives! I hear you when you say what we give out in the universe comes back to us. Be empowered, and don’t stay stuck in ‘that bad place’ for too long. It honestly eye clearer. I wish you all the best in your journey and appreciate you taking time out to read my posts! 

  40. Fiona says:

    Hi Janet, Im enjoying getting to know this side of you.I think its great that you decided to start a personal blog that allows others to see another personal yet authentic and beautiful side of you.Its beautiful because its you showing your readers/ followers the Human side of you.The one that experiences life and its highs and lows.I commend your courage to be open and honest with your emotions. Take care and be blessed.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you so much Fiona; I'm glad that you're relating to the 'human side' of me. Thank you for reading my blog!

  41. I felt like I was reading a novel that I couldn’t put down
    Thankyou for sharing so much you’re amazing!! ???

  42. kate nduta says:

    Hi Janet, thanks for the wonderful job you are doing. You are an an inspiration to many. I can almost relate my story to yours, got married this year and am also pregnant. Feeling lost most of the times and the morale to wake up and go the ofice is no longer there, i feel like i need a new beginning now just praying to God to strengthen me each day. Cant wait to hold my bundle of joy either. Wish you Gods mercies throughout the journey. Keep encouraging us! Many thanks..

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Bless you Kate! I think that once we hold our bundles of joy, we'll have a new perspective on life. All the best dear ?

  43. Edith says:

    Wow!! This is so inspirational. Keep hope alive. May God continually grace you for the remaining months. You will soon hold your bundle/bundles of joy :-) and all the weight you are feeling you will melt away. Love you Janet

  44. Aury says:

    Thanks for the honesty Janet. I wish you peace of mind as you wade through the transitions and  those all too familiar paralysis/frozen moments. I have so many of those but I am learning to just control what I can for now and leave the rest.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I'm going to listen to your advice Aury; control what I can for now and leave the rest. That keeps me sane! Thanks for reading my post ☺️

  45. Jackie says:

    Your blog is quite incredible.This is some good & Keep up!! My eyes will continue to be glued to Janet's journey.

  46. Anne says:

    I was reading some article that said your are pregnant with twins, is that true coz I see that your post talks of a baby and not babies.Also, your story is inspiring.Thank you for sharing.

  47. Doris Kisahi says:

    Hey Janet,
    That’s an awesome piece. I actually cried. Not because I pity you but how at times I used to think that very few of super women ( I considered you as one) put on this mask of everything is okay . Your words are bare and without struggle . I am not married but know exactly what it means suddenly bring aware of tumbling walls. No one prepares you for what the future holds but everyday teaches us that after all we are human. just bone and flesh . You inspire many of us or you do inspire me . This blog is definitely one of my favor now . Keep on what you do . Above all God knows you and because of that you can always face tomorrow . Thanks for sharing

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Dorris! Let the tears flow, sometimes it’s good to have a cry! But life makes sense when we seek answers in the right place; prayer and Mentorship. I wish you well dear!

  48. Petronillah says:

    Janet that’s very inspiring. It makes us feel that indeed life is not perfect but there is always a way out. God will show us the way out. All we need to do is trust him and be a little patient! Things will fall into place sooner than later.

  49. Joy Kendi says:

    Lovely lovely lovely….

    You are so much of an  inspiration to me Janet. I hope one day i get to work with you. esp with inua dada. Keep em coming girl! You are a strong woman i know. this is just a phase :) xoxo

  50. carol says:

    congrats janet am encouraged and looking forward to read more.

  51. Wangui says:

    Hey Janet,your story is inspiring so many of us go through this whether married or single.My pregnancy journey was abit similar to yours but I was bed ridden at 6months for risk of miscarry and since I was a business person I had to close my business because the person I left at my shop stole from me.The thoughts of being a single,jobless and broke mom really stretched me but I gave it all to God.Thanks to my mom(whom I nearly lost but God knew she still has some work to do here on earth) she came through for me and has not left me.I gave birth to a girl and now she is almost 9months and I am getting to my feet after all those months and God opened other doors for me.Thank you for your blog continue to give us hope.
    With lots of love to you.
    Wangui.

  52. lolla says:

    Hey Janet,I moved to a different country at 36 weeks pregnant,got married on the 37th week,had my baby on the 38th week….before the travel I was worried about the travel(23 hours) ,after that I worried about adjusting(food,weather,in laws,motherhood)..there’s always something that will keep us up at night(women)..even when everything is going “right”.however ” nasty “pregnancy might be,it all worth it
    ..i miss it ,would do it all over again.

  53. Emmanuela Mbithi says:

    you always interest and inspire me alot….your imperfect you is soo inspiring but dont worry its life….myself am in campus somedays i wake up feeling this great urge to achieve…i dont even know where to start but all i know its going to be great…just be positive all through…a great fan!!!

  54. Esther says:

    Great piece Janet. I can relate to your piece except that I am neither married nor pregnant. Change is never easy. More often than not we are fighting to let go while at the same time fighting to hold on. For instance fighting to be on your feet regardless of the challenges that come with being pregnant but at the same time embracing the change in now being married and expecting a baby. I have been in a situation where I take stock of my life and it feels like I aren’t doing enough… The obstacles towards achieving my goals growing by the day. But through it all I have learnt to trust in God… That He has my best interests at heart. It may not feel as so at the moment but eventually it makes sense. I may not have a lot to my name but I am thankful for what I have achieved and hopeful that before I get to the last page of my life I will have fulfilled my sole purpose in this life. Keep up with the good work. I wish you the very best. All your fears are valid but learn to let God worry on your behalf. I have been practicing that and it has been quite liberating because I know that He is working it out for me. All I have to do is be there and be willing to follow whichever path He chooses for me. There is power in prayer and I know you can testify to that but sometimes we need a reminder of what we already know because we may forget.
    Thumbs up dear

  55. Esther Njoki says:

    Hi Janet. Am truly inspired by you! Ave always admired you bt i didn’t know that you have such a golden heart. May God bless you richly. Indeed you are a true inspiration. Love you girl n its my prayer that God will see you through the nine months. You will have a new song

  56. Rennie says:

    I just visited the blog for the first time and I’m so much in love with it, such a great inspiration, keep it up janet

  57. Grace Phillipa says:

    Wow..that blog was pretty cool.Seems ua were communicating to me…life has really changed in the past three months or so but when i look at people like u and hear your story yet you have not given up i get inspired and life gives a meaning again…You are such an inspiration Janet.May God use u more and bless u abudantly.

  58. Rennie says:

    I visited the blog for the first time and I’m so much in love with it, such a great inspiration, keep it up janet

  59. Rennie says:

    I visited this blog for the first time and I’m so much in love with ir, great inspiration, keep it up. janet

  60. Rennie says:

    I just visited the blog for the first time and I’m so much in love with it, great inspiration

  61. Lilo says:

    My first post to read in your blog,  and I completely identify. Good Job! Thouugh not the same struggles, I truned 25 last week, finished my internship early this year, got a job that I am no longer excited about, started dating seriously and I feel that everything is moving on but me. I am at a crossroads of sorts and I am really scared for what is comiing. My encouragement has been to keep on doing what I am doing even when the zeal goes, I choose to stay faithful and hopefuly it will all add up in due time. It helps to know that God has my back through it all so I trust in him Prov 3:4-5.

    Blessings.

  62. Juliet Gideon says:

    I love your story Janet. Mine was similar though abit different. Exactly one month after our wedding, my husband got a scholarship for his Phd outside the country. As the great and loving husband he is, the first thing he did was call off the scholarship via email as he could not imagine leaving pregnant-me all by myself. I remember that day he came home looking abit disturbed but he couldn’t reveal what the matter was. As soon as he was able to spit it out, though I understood him deeply I did not agree with him one bit. I told him to inform the body that had offered him the scholarship that he had a change of mind and he would take their offer. Thankfully, they re-accepted him and he had to leave. I still remember all that happened as we packed his bags…well I cried most of the time but deep down I knew it was the right thing to do i.e. support him unconditionally. I couldn’t see him off as he boarded his flight…both of us were literally crying on each other’s shoulder as we took his luggage to the car and I was in no shape to do so. They say men are always stronger, so he kept telling me it would be ok. The first week was crazy but I thank God I was just fine. My baby bump was getting bigger and bigger. I used to take photos of it and send them to my hubby and that way he felt connected to our first baby. He would visit once in a while but the goodbyes were always the same…teary especially for me. Months later our baby arrived. Unfortunately, he was not there during the delivery because he was sitting for his end of year exams. I remained strong for the three of us. He spent a month with us after the delivery and we had a great time. Our son is almost five months old now and my husband is on his second year of his studies. I love them so much that I can stand just about anything to see them happy. They are my pillars. Indeed the Lord has been faithful and good to us…we are still strong and happy. Though at some point I felt as though my vision and dreams were fading away, I chose to trust God and never lost hope. But nothing compares to having a happy family.

  63. Dave says:

    From one twin to another, Janet, everything we experience & go through empowers us for the better & even in those moments of our “lowest lows” we’re never alone. I keep asking myself “Why do I worry?…..why should I worry when our best friend’s got this?” JC’s got your back, your present, your future, your worries, concerns, cares, dreams, hopes…all of it on the palm of his almighty hand.
    God bless you, hubby & that baby who’s going to bless you all.
    You know….I like this blog….you write true, you write good!

  64. Dave says:

    From one twin to another, Janet, everything we experience & go through empowers us for the better & even in those moments of our “lowest lows” we’re never alone. I keep asking myself “Why do I worry?…..why should I worry when our best friend’s got this?” JC’s got your back, your present, your future, your worries, concerns, cares, dreams, hopes…all of it on the palm of his almighty hand.
    God bless you, hubby & that baby who’s going to bless you all.
    You know….I like this blog….you write true, you write good

  65. Carole Chumo says:

    you are an inspiration to me and many others. God bless you always

  66. Joyce Mwendandu says:

    A great article. speaking so deep into my life. its well Janet

  67. Laurie says:

    You literally took those words right out of my head. Now I know I'm not alone in those thoughts that cross my mind once in a while. Keep writing. you do it so well. for me to stare at the computet and read from the first to the last letter it has to be a pretty well written piece. I sure will keep reading this blog.

  68. Agripinah kamulah says:

    Hi Janet,

    Janet i love your work.You are an insipiration to so many ladies. God Bless yuo so much.

     

  69. Abigael says:

    This is awesome your blog so inspiring,the articles,the photography soo on fleek.You are a phenomenal lady Janet and am with you in this incredible journey.God bless you.Lots of love

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you so much for your kind comments! It’s been a long time coming and I just felt like the time is now. God bless you too and much love right back atcha! Keep visiting my blog :-)

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you so much Abigael, lots of love right back atcha! God bless

  70. Fiona Njenga says:

    One very inspiring and interesting post! Your fears are accepted, that proofs how much you care and want the best for your tomorrow. Worry less though, God is always in control. Happy journey towards motherhood, Janet!

  71. Joseph Muchene says:

    Loving the blog

  72. Adrine says:

    Am an ardent fan,about two weeks ago after your wedding,you were anchoring and I did notice you looked tired,pale and out of it. I mentioned it to my roommate and we were like they need to give you some time off to relax and take a breather.
    I hope everything falls into place and you have a shine back on your face.I’ll be saying a silent prayer for you. May God bless you abundantly and be with you every step of the way.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Adrine! Yes I think I was a little overwhlemed and no doubt tired a few weeks after my wedding. I’m much better now, happy to say! Thank you for your prayers and may God bless you ever so much. Thanks for your comments :-)

  73. Evelyne Muthoni says:

    Oh my goodness,

    This is me right now, except I’m neither pregnant nor married. I relate to this story 100%. What encourages me is the power of prayer and knowing that it’ll be okay. I’m actually having a weekend away to get rejuvenated and rest. I’m hoping for an encounter with Christ. Hope this happens- no matter how small it’ll be. Thanks Janet for sharing this. Lots of love from this end.
    Eve
    xoxo

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Evelyne! Thank you for your honest remarks. I’m so glad you’re taking time out this weekend to rejuvenate and recoup; we  all need that once in a while. No matter what you’re going through, never lose that will to want to be a better version of yourself. I hear you. God hears you. You will be just FINE! Keep me posted on how you’re doing. God bless :-)

  74. carol njoroge says:

    i love you Janet pure inspiration

  75. “Have a teachable spirit;Never lose the will to want to learn and grow.” #janetmbugua#everytym I read something about yu it inspires me alot…thank you.You are my mentor janet as I study now n find it difficult sometime I say to myself,hi Bancy yu have to be like janet mbugua100%true,A good job,Good behaviours in a big name with so many inspiring characters,A good life,A good wedding,A good looking,hardworking husband and A happy family…Gal I jus wanna be like you…GOD BE WITH YU

  76. Barre Oswere says:

    Janet, it’s early morning, and going thru your blog, is so refreshing:you’ll be fine.lf you are strong enough to bear your heart and soul to encourage strangers, then you are strong enough to go thru this phase of your life.l encourage the men who are reading this blog (yes,you guys!)we are not that strong, This blog is not for our sisters only, we need such deep souls-searching blogs too, Janet, l can assure you, they are many men out there who you are reaching out to,, they may not comment as my sisters have, but you’ve inspired them all the same.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Asante Barre, your words have touched me. It’s true, as women we sometimes feel overwhelmed, weak, confused. But like you’ve said we often forget that men also feel vulnerable sometimes. We need to have a deeper understanding of one another and lift each other up. Thanks again for visiting my blog! ?

  77. bancy wanjugu says:

    waoow janet as yu say”have a teachable spirit;Never lose the will to want to learn and grow”#janet mbugua# I love yu JANET yu are my mentor yu inspire me alot Gal n as I work hard at my studies n find it difficult sometime I always say to myself,hi bancy yu want to be like janetmbugua and for sure I wanna be jus like yu…GOD BLESS YOU

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi my dear! Oh thank you, keep working hard, stay focussed, in time you’ll see amazing results! Thanks for visiting my blog! ?

  78. shemwah says:

    This is incredible,Janet,I look upto you,and for yu to just share your world with us like this,it means alot.I have a blog also,and I try to inspire pple the way ur doing right now.Am not married or expecting a kid like yu,but am also transitioning from a university student to my first job.I was so scared of the unknown,but ths piece lets me know,we all go through that phase.
    So far so good Mrs.Ndichu

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      My dear, I’ve become to believe that that sometimes, venturing into the unknown is the one way of discovering your true self. Thank you for your words! God bless 

  79. Jennie says:

    I feel you Janet. I conceived during my honeymoon and am now 8mths pregnant and have been unwell since day 1. 5mths into pregnancy, I started my Masters. Been on medication to survive the journey, bed rest most of the time, preparing for exams……….. but I wont lose the strength. Thanks for the piece. All the best in your marriage.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Jennie, wow sounds like you’ve had quite the journey yourself! It’s so hard trying to work and stay functional when you’re unwell, more-so when you’re pregnant and have the little one to think about as well. I hope you’re better now? What I know is that it comes to pass and something beautiful is waiting for you on the other side ? congratulations on your marriage and pregnancy!

  80. Tina says:

    Worry not Janet. So is life. A snippet of my story. I’m a florist who owns a farm and do exports mostly in Europe. Started chasing my dream to have the biggest flower farm in the country. Took a loan from my mum and had the business started. Just at the verge of breakthrough, I was expecting a child. I got scared as this was an occurence of a one night thing. I have to admit that I thought of abortion as I did not know how to approach mama. By day my pregnancy was growing and would be sick most of the time. I lost morale to proceed with the farm. I tried hiding from my mom as she is one of those tough women you don’t mess with. How would I even start telling how preggers I was yet I was not married neither had I ever introduced any man to her. It was stressful and couldn’t help the thoughts. Cutting the story short. One of my employees, the manager to be precise told on me to mum and to my shock she didn’t scold me. She tried run the business to her capacity but still that was not enough to put the business where I wanted it to be. This led to depression as I was in fear that ny dreams would never be. On my fourth month I was out on bed rest rest I get a miscarriage. I lost hope of ever seeing my dream to have the largest farm supplying most flowers both locally and internationally. My mum used to tell me how ok it’ll be but I could hear non of it. Time came and I got twins,girls. This just lit my world. It is four months since I delivered and whenever I look at them I want to work day and night in the business expansion. My two littu girls inspire me and drive me to wanting more. The morale is back and hope is restored working towards achieving greatness. So Janet, all thatcyou are going through is just for a while. Don’t beat yourself to death now that you are not able to move around. It will be over sooner than you think. Thank God for a supportive husband that you have.It is well honey.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Tina, your story has moved me, deeply. You’ve weathered some serious storms and I applaud you for coming out stronger ??? Certainly couldn’t have been easy! Your mum is also someone I admire. Just when I think I’m at my wits end, it’s people like you who keep me going. Thank you and give your twin girls a big kiss from me! God bless you always, keep moving, keep soaring, you never know whose life you’re changing!

      • Tina says:

        Thank you for taking your time to respond. I am happy that you are now rocking the baby bump proudly. It’s good you have taken it positively as it inspires many. My littu ones have received yo kisses.

        Continue flying mami. God first

  81. Just Me says:

    This post sounds like my life a couple of years back. Only I got so lost in, and succumbed to both the real (my newly wed husband had been unfaithful) and imaginery (I was sure if I could keep home, a la Martha Stewart, we’d be back on track) pressure, I ended up solo parenting two, granted, gorgeous, baby boys.
    As a go-getter, always on my feet, conquering the world type of lady, getting to a somewhat grinding halt, at crossroads in my life, while newly married, pregnant and experiencing “pregnancy brain” for the first time, and morning/all day sickness, choices and situations did sometimes appear bleak and often times hazy. I discovered however, that worrying only begot more worrying, and in your “fatigued” state Janet, you need to cut yourself some slack darling, more so for bump.
    My advise to you would be 1) pray and trust God has got you, 2) have faith in the process and the journey 3) continue to trust your mind (muddled as it may be now) and love yourself entirely (and obviously your husband and bump ?).
    Wish you all the best as you figure it out and as it all comes culminating together for you.
    I am still on my journey, but it’s a lot more clearer now since I cut myself some, genuine, slack and put worry in the trunk.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Wow, thank you for your honesty! I love that despite everything you’ve been through, you’re determined to walk your journey with more clarity. I applaud you for staying strong and being there for your family. You’re very inspiring ???

  82. Roselyne Maina says:

    Very inspiring Janet,the piece is super lovely..all will be well,remember with God all things are possible.

  83. Patriciah says:

    I know exactly how you feel. Good to acknowledge this very important season in your life. You’ll be just fine. Bless you.

  84. Everlyn Muya says:

    Heloo Janet…..Waoh this is soo nice dear you’re such a blessing,sorry for the hard time during pregnancy but be assured the joy of holding that little one you’ve been carrying will be breath taking….you’re a supper woman,a fighter and I look forward to be more and more empowered by you…..I wish you God’s blessings may he walk with you till the end!

  85. Esther says:

    Janet, It is OK to feel that way. Its the journey of a working -newly wed wife and mother to be. This is just the beginning, Once the baby is born it will be double.
    Its not easy unless you take it to God in prayers. We are taught in proverbs 3: 5 to 8 ” TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT. DO NOT BE WISE IN YOUR OWN EYES, FEAR THE LORD AND SHUN EVIL. THIS WILL BRING HEALTH TO YOUR BODY AND NOURISHMENT TO YOUR BONES.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I appreciate your wisdom, Esther. I can only imagine that this is just the beginning of an intense and beautiful journey. Thank you for sharing scripture as well. God bless ?

  86. Carol mukirai says:

    Woow! What an emotional blog..alwayz remember that in God’s eyes u will forever remain a princess

  87. Grace Kimani says:

    All the best Janet in your marriage and smooth time with your pregnancy. This has really inspired me the fact that I will be turning 30 by the end of the year and still single…….it’s never too late. God bless you.

  88. Abigael says:

    This is awesome.Am soo loving it,its so inspiring.With you Mrs Ndichu step by step on this incredible journey.

  89. Riziki says:

    A meaningful blog post. May God bless you,take it easy, trust in HIM

  90. Diane says:

    Wow, this is awesome Janet. You were meant to write!! This is a journey that i will follow. Thank you for sharing this journey, you may not know how many lives you are inspiring out there!

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I appreciate that Diane! I’ve been writing on and off for a few years, even meant to start a blog five years ago but it just didn’t feel right. Now it does, though I have no idea where this journey will take me! We’ll wait and see ? thanks again for visiting my blog!

  91. Carol Wambui says:

    Wow! Loving your blog. It was just about time. Totally identify myself though not all might be similar the end result is the same…Keep it up Janet.

  92. Kendy Kane says:

    Lovely piece. Mrs Ndichu……… the walls of a well guarded introverted girl are falling down. This is a brave step you making to share you journey with the world. May God guide you and give you more insight to this great, amazing person that is trying to come out. I love you

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thanks Kendy ? It’s not an easy step to take but I relaised that one can only hide behind their walls for so long! I too will pray for guidance and insight. Thanks for visiting my blog! 

  93. soraya wanjiru says:

    I love love your honesty its truly empowering. I Am going through a similar transition. Sometimes it feels like a load has been released on your lap. A good load of happiness and blessing because marriage and motherhood is beautiful and amazing. Sometimes its hard not to worry even though we know all shall be well because we have God looking out for us. But something the worries do drown us. I love this.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I’m glad you can relate to this Soraya. It’s true, we all know that ultimately, God is in control. But it doesn’t stop us from worrying every so often. That’s what I wanted to do, lift a lid on those moments when we feel a little lost and confused. Thanks for appreciating my blog posts! 

  94. Catherine says:

    Very inspiring Janet.

    God knew all this happenings for 2015.Gods plan is always the best.You will realize it later.God bless you and your family.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I truly believe I’ll realize His plans for me later; even now I’m starting to learn many lessons! Thanks for visiting my blog ☺️

  95. Naima Makena says:

    Hello Mrs.Ndichu
    (Still trying to get used to the name)

    I have no idea what you have been waiting for to start blogging because you are doing so well in this area. In as much as you are feeling helpless right now and off your feet… Think of how many women you are inspiring and yet to inspire with your blog posts. It is normal, we are all scared of that soul behind our superwoman costume, but that is exactly who you are. Embrace it! Take a breather. Walk with life. You can only do so much and already what you are doing is tremendous! Can’t wait for your next post!☺

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Naima, I love how you’ve said ‘we are all scared of the soul behind the superwoman’. So true! I think I had to get to the point of embracing my flaws to start blogging. I hope I can keep inspiring people. Thank you for relating so well to my posts! ?

  96. Silva Tutu says:

    This is soo nice Janet, I think you such an intelligent writer, you truly are a perfect inspiration. .. you touched #MyImperfect I missed a lot here ~ Asante Sana Mrs. Ndichu.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Asante Silva! Still working each day to become a better person. Learning a lot of lessons along the way! Thanks for visiting my blog! Looking forward to seeing more of your writing as well! 

  97. josephine Gakuya says:

    i realy love your blog Janet. We will walk together.. #janetthejourney

  98. Patricia Maritim says:

    I like the way you have expressed yourself. At some point in life we go through blind spots… too much to do with so little time or resources. But thank God, His grace is ever sufficient; trust Him. It does not stop the anxiety though but sometimes you got to tell yourself, ” Sweetie, life happens… Just be there!”

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Yes Patricia life happens, we just have to be present, work as hard as we can, trust God! Thanks for reading my blog posts ?

  99. Mueni says:

    The day u will hold ur bundle of joy on ur hands, all that will be history! Thats strength of a woman Janet, keep inspiring girls n women. Love it

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I can’t wait to hold my bundle of joy! Praying for their wellbeing each day. Thanks for your words girl ?

  100. Emily Mwendwa says:

    This is the most inspiring blog iv come across,a strong woman there for we are all headed there. AMAZING is the word. Than kyou.

  101. Debz says:

    This is just an awsome peace so in the moment as one reads…being a role model to young girls i cant wait to read much much more and be inspired

  102. Mary says:

    I just love it!!It will is well

  103. Wanjiru Natasha says:

    All will be well Mrs Ndichu God is in control.You are really inspiring. Just take one step at a time.

  104. Jane Maina says:

    This is so inspiring..To the world you actually look contented with whatever you are today….you are are much more ambitious gal….All the best Mrs Ndichu

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Jane! Yes to the world some of us look like we have everything under control, but it’s ok to admit that sometimes we’re not sure about what we’re doing! As long as we keep searching for those answers, I believe we’ll be headed in the right direction ?

  105. thats so brave of you to admit it out all loud,leave everything in God’s hand He will show you the way….

  106. lynembeywa says:

    nice piece janet 👌all will be well

  107. linda.e says:

    interesting to know that the super woman you is human (from the story) all will be well and all the best…such a motivating piece 😃

  108. rukia says:

    Nice and wish All the best it feels good to be pregnant and knowing someone there cares.

  109. Cheche254 says:

    I love the article hunnie.Congratulations.
    And everything will fall into place. God will make sure of it.

  110. vivian says:

    wow! wat a piece, very encouraging. Keep on Mrs Ndichu You are a strong woman through God’s guidance you will make it.

  111. Maureen says:

    Janet you write so well… feeling your emotions.

    Thank you for sharing your journey!

  112. Ciku says:

    I can totally relate. I’m expecting my second born at the moment and feel like my body isn’t mine. My energy levels are low and some of my plans have come to a stand still. Like you I had just started working out to bring sexy back! Thanks for sharing your story, it’s encouraging to know that “tuko wengi” and no matter what we must have faith that we are the apple of God’s eyes and He will see us through our different paths.

    • Mama Ivanna says:

      Congratulations on your pregnancy. I lost a pregnancy some four months ago. I had worked out, brought sexy back and was ready for my second baby. When I got pregnant, I put up new plans, for my career etc. Then I lost the pregnancy ….. and I got lost. I dont know how to ‘replan’. But like you said, we must have faith.

      • Janet Mbugua says:

        So sorry to hear about your loss. I trust that you’re growing stronger by the day? I’ll say a prayer for you. Keep the Faith ?

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Tuko wengi sana my dear! I think the whole process prepares us to be able to balance out our priorities and manage our expectations in life. Congratulations on expecting your second bundle of joy and all the best!

  113. zippy njeri says:

    loving it….you my first role model,

  114. Brenda says:

    I can totally relate to what u r going through, and let me just say that I admire your courage to take apart all these complexities with such honesty, trying to figure it all out. The thoughts… I stay up thinking so much your conversation with yr hubby pretty much echoes mine a few mornings now. I’ll take your advice and try to be present as well. Thanks for putting into words what I couldn’t for myself, now it’s all so clear for me. Love n blessings yr way.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      So happy to hear that, Brenda. I hope you’ll continue to be present and at peace with your journey. It shall be well!

  115. Laura Mutonyi says:

    Thank you so much Janet for sharing your journey with us.

  116. judie kiarie says:

    The best is yet to come Janet be easy but stay focused….i love the piece, it’s so real and so personal and actually most of us can relate…keep going gal and like i said..The best is yet to come!

  117. Jason Minae says:

    Janet….It is understandable. Take it one-step-at-a-time.

    Not so long ago, I was taking-stock of my life, just to ward-off some disillusionment.

    And then I realized, ever since I was born, I have always taken one-step at time.

    And those many “one-step-a-time” for me, are probably over a million now, and still counting.

    Janet…You’ve just began a new-phase, take it…one-step-at-a-time.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I love that Jason! Many small steps and it will become clear. I hope you’re now more aware of what you want out of life now? Thanks for visiting my blog! 

  118. ann mugure says:

    woow!janet…especially on that part where you say you feel you need to change,have certain ideas on how to go about it but none seems to be the right one…such a strong woman like you..someone am always looking upto it breaks my heart to think that am always terming my self useless when i have no power or energy to restart yet even my role model is struggling…keep going janet its the baby “syndrome” making you feel powerless…carrying a human being inside you is not an easy thing…the mood changes will soon cease

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Haha, I like how you’ve called it ‘baby syndrome’. Pregnancy is so magical, I think it also intentionally slows you down so that you can rethink your priorities! Please don’t ever feel useless, just know that we all feel helpless from time to time. Just don’t stay in that place for too long. Be encouraged, you’re totally normal! God bless 

  119. Ruby Ninah says:

    The phases of life…i like what you just said about being present..
    A day at a time Mrs.Ndichu..
    a day at a time…otherwise how cool are you…

  120. Wow! the raw emotion in this piece, giving glimpses of the real Janet, off screen, in touch with her other ‘private’ side. Havent many of us walked down that slippery road of perfection to an elusive destination of imaginary pressure? Got my son not as I envisioned, now a single mom, but my 3-yr old prince has taught me to stay in the present, and to enjoy now, to dance in the sun and snuggle in the rain, to enjoy the yoghurt smears on my trench coat, and to appreciate the blotchy kisses on my cheeks, because this season won’t last forever.

    This post is a gentle reminder to enjoy transition, and make peace with myself. Looking forward to more posts. I wish I’d be able to subscribe, Janet please consider that.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Samoina, this is my favourite part of what you wrote:

      ‘my 3-yr old prince has taught me to stay in the present, and to enjoy now, to dance in the sun and snuggle in the rain, to enjoy the yoghurt smears on my trench coat, and to appreciate the blotchy kisses on my cheeks, because this season won’t last forever’

      I can only imagine how much joy he’s broight to your life. Keep being positive! I’m working on a subscription feature soon, will keep you posted!

  121. Riaz says:

    Such brilliant raw emotion. It felt like thoughts inside my own head. Becoming a mother, a wife and moving to new country to start from scratch left me feeling rather perturbed. I remember finally settling down in UK, 3 months into my new post and finding out I was pregnant. Of course we were delighted. But nothing really quite gives you a healthy dose of reality like “I am bringing a child into the world”. And even when Ewa was born, I still felt like I had to be better for her – to work harder for her – to provide everything for her. After 3 months, I was back at work. It wasn’t the best of choices – I am exhausted 24/7. But it pays the bills, it means I can buy her clothes, toys, take her to Peppa Pig’s world or wherever she pleases. Obviously, my hubby has been the best and provided support. But I have always felt like – and still feel – like certain things are my responsibility and mine alone. Only now… 13 months post baby, 2 years in in UK, did I finally have time to take stock and account for my life. Sort of like what you did “all that time on bed rest”.. And you think.. Whilst listening to Oprah’s life class and Rick Warren’s purpose driven life.. What the heck am I doing with my life? Is it enough?? And you realise you can be better, do better… And somehow you find the courage to delve into the unknown without all the answers…

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Riaz, not only have you completely captured what I’m feeling, you’ve expressed it tenfold! Of course, I haven’t experienced motherhood yet but the part about you having to somehow still need to do it all, is very familiar to me. To your credit, you look like you’re holding down fort really well! Plus kudos to your hubby; a supportive man can make a world of a difference. Thank you so much for reading my blog! Hope to see you soonest ? PS – Ewa is adorable!

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Riaz, not only have you captured what I’m feeling, you’ve taken the words right out of my mouth! Of course I haven’t experienced motherhood yet, but the balance of work, pregnancy, marriage…it takes some getting used to. Thank you for making us feel like we’re not alone! And kudos to your hubby for being supportive. Plus Ewa is adorable! ? Thanks for visiting my blog! 

  122. nisii19 says:

    Its amazing to read the inner part of your rolemodel and realuze you all row on the same boat. Janet you’re a blessing. IIt shall be well keep on moving in this journey. powerful read!

  123. esther ndichu says:

    The first time i saw you in television i couldnt stop but notice the many similarities that we had in common. I am more amazed when i read your blog only to find out that you are a mrs ndichu whereas i am a Ms Ndichu. I reasonate with alot of what you have written n believe you me the answer to all this ” lets see how this goes” all the best!!!!

  124. Joy D'Souza says:

    Janet, you have pretty much summed up what i have been going through this year and my take home from this piece is to be present. However, being present is quite hard, especially when you know you can be more productive doing something else, only that you haven’t quite figured what that something else is and also as you have very well put it, your state constrains you from being your best. Also, i dint know pregnancy can really take a toll on someone until my second pregnancy this year, given that my first one was a breeze. My doctor advised me not to make any drastic decisions or changes in my life until the baby is born. So i believe, my dear friend, that you will also find your answers once you are able to lie on your stomach or back, once again, comfortably :)
    All the best in your journey and finding your answers.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Hi Joy, wow, you took the words right out of my mouth! And having met you I know how much energy you have, so the adjustment must’ve been difficult! But you’ll pull through. Thank you for visiting my blog, can’t wait to read what Lil Miss Belle will be up to next! Take care and all the very best! 

  125. grace says:

    quite a piece here, i can attest to this feeling but u lucky girl you have someone by your side helping you emotionally.it gets worse when i have to wake up at night and am just by myself,the soft kicks inside my belly are what gives me hope for tomorrow.i kiss my baby and whisper it gonna be well baby,it us against the world.
    thanks for the encouragement.
    the photos are so beautiful!!.

  126. Lenah says:

    Wow!what a piece!

  127. Mama Ivanna says:

    Janet, you will be just fine. Embrace your new life and find new meaning to it. Children have a way making you think differently, the things there were normal to you now feel mediocre. Even can success get redefined when you venture into the world of family. All the best

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      True! I hear children completely change your perspective on life. I’m looking forward to experiencing that as well! 

  128. Doris says:

    Wow!…Congratulations!I like this article it speaks to me too!

  129. Jane kikuvi says:

    Janet you are one of a kind…A wonderful phenomal woman…you make we women feel like we have a voice and a place in the society…personally I look upto you…I can now see life in a new perspective…Bravo! I will follow your journey…cant wait to gain much from it.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Wow I’m humbled by your kind words Jane. You can always voice your feelings here, that’s what I’d love to see people do on my blog! 

  130. jane says:

    its a matter of time janet,one foot infront of the of the other

  131. Kabeyu Katuga Ng'ang'a says:

    Save for the bits about you holding your husband et al! I feel like I’m reading a chapter from the book of my own life!
    What I have learnt is to take worries to God and ask for wisdom! And in his time he certainly comes through! I sometimes sit back and wonder what in the world did I do to deserve such blessings! In regards to the pressure, I am slowly starting to feel like women are built this way. We pressure ourselves and put ourselves down when we are actually doing a fine job so I consciously make the effort to remind myself of the great things I am doing and with the the things that need some work I research on how to work on them and I take a step at time and when their is progress no matter how small I make sure to celebrate it!
    It’s refreshing to see a TV personality air emotions that the rest of us feel! It reminds us that we are all human and even if TV makes them look like they got it all together they are trying to figure it out just the way the rest of us do!
    Lovely piece Janet! ?

    • Agreed!!! >>> It’s refreshing to see a TV personality air emotions that the rest of us feel! It reminds us that we are all human and even if TV makes them look like they got it all together they are trying to figure it out just the way the rest of us do!

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thank you Kabeyu! Yes, I love how you’ve put it! We feel this need to be all things at once and lets face it, that’s neither possible nor healthy! Thanks for your insights into how you’re dealing with ‘the balance’ (work-home)

  132. Wairimu Wambugu says:

    You are the definition of the perfect imperfection Janet, i so feel you on this piece…journey on Ma’

  133. Wairimu Wambugu says:

    You are the definition of the perfect imperfection Janet, i so well you on this piece…journey on Ma’

  134. Jane Muthui says:

    To be honest Janet, this is amazing. You have always been the super woman but Its good to know that you are also the girl next door. The girl every woman can relate to. I know putting your guard down is not easy, however, it makes you feel free and happy. You are not alone in this journey. You have people who relate to you, feel how your feeling and are going through the same struggles as you. You are not alone.

    So Janet, keep writing, do not over think. When you do, pull out your laptop and start writing. Then all your thoughts and all your raw feelings will be freed. A load lifted. Trust me, I know this for a fact.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Jane you’ve hit the nail on the head. I feel free! Because we’re all allowed to let our guard down and talk about how we’re feeling once in a while. I intend to keep writing. Thank you for your lovely feedback! 

  135. Hellen Stevens says:

    Wow! I just shed a tear over this piece.

    I wish you well in your journey to motherhood and make sure you don’t sideline Eddie when the baby comes.

    Keep up the good job and how i wish they would have been two

    Introduce a part where we can subscribe to your blog so that we don’t miss on any post.

    Yo’ going places Janet!

  136. Emilyjoy says:

    Janet, your pieces keep me moving & inspired.
    such a phenomenAl woman to be admired by any girl child out here. I keep visiting your page..keep it up. we’re right behind…blessings

  137. Neema says:

    Great piece…. can see myself 8 years ago….just married and expecting our baby…and life was changing and growing inside me. Looking back the confusion settles and gives birth to the best you yet! God bless.

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Thanks for that encouragement Neema! Your hindsight has actually made me a bit more relaxed about how things can pan out! 

  138. Tabitha Nthenya says:

    I love this.i am in a phase in my life filled with mixed feelings. Sometimes am doubting my self other times am supper confident. All the same i hope the journey will lead me to a good end.Lets walk your journey together Janet. Your are a phenomenonal woman;one of the people i look upto.God bless

  139. Judy Mbugua says:

    Be easy, after all is said and done, just be easy…

  140. Aby says:

    so profound the best is yet to come Mama

  141. Carol Wakio says:

    Keep going girl….keep going!It’s gonna be okay

  142. Ciiru says:

    Wow! Very real and very personal. Kudos for putting on ‘paper’ your thoughts, fears and aspirations for your growing family. Looking forward to Janet the Journey and congratulations on getting it going, other projects might be on pause, but this ones started! Best wishes

  143. Shiku says:

    Thanks for sharing…it makes those of us who are struggling with change feel encouraged on this path. I’m not done with mine but I do know these three truths: you are stronger than you ever imagined, Jesus is closer than you ever realised and you are loved more than you ever know. Its okay to be a glowstick, sometimes we need a break before we shine…

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      I’m coming to realize that these transitions are a very normal part of life, whether they’re good or bad. Embrace it! Thanks for reading ?

  144. Kuzzok says:

    Great Great Janet..You are really an inspiration to many.

  145. rose says:

    My small inexperienced brain tells me perfection is overrated and boring. A day at a time,enjoy the minute’s breath,the experience of being a wife and a mother to be. You touch the lives of many young people across the country;consciously or not.

  146. Rose Loise says:

    Love this piece :-) Let go and let God, it shall be well :-)

  147. njeri says:

    very nice post.I love it.

  148. Takah says:

    Hey,Janet your journey will be just fine…Breath in ….breath out….one step at a time.

  149. Gabby says:

    Lovely post. I identify so much with it.. thanks for putting it in words.

  150. Christine says:

    The beauty of your pieces is the realness in them . Striving to make an impact on people in the same space as you. You will be more than OK. Good job Janet.

  151. Sarah says:

    Janet dear thank you for this post. This is a journey most women resonate with. Thank you for voicing it out.

  152. Betty Kenda says:

    Such a profound piece.You are such a phenomenal Janet.Perfect Imperfection.Keep going you are an encouragent to me.

  153. Sandra kavyu says:

    Personally am a go getter, am a sixteen yearold powered by the spirit of resiliance and very hopeful for a brighter future and janet, you just happen to be my rolemodel the public figure you are aspires me to work hard and smart so that one day i wake up and find that am just a success replica of you,,,, and i know you are way too strong for this journey so stop worrying because you are a conqurer and know whatever goals you have youll get them but hurry your pace because am coming after 😉

    • Janet Mbugua says:

      Oh thank you for visiting my blog! Sixteen? Girl Yu have so much life ahead of you, keep the spirit and remain motivated by the positive. God bless!

  154. Maureen murithi says:

    love it

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